Winnie the Drew
by the-one-called-Drew
Summary: This is a very screwed up Parody of Winnie the Pooh, involving myself and my friends as the characters. Read, Laugh, Review! Note- If you take offense to this, I've done my job. COMPLETED
1. Bong Search

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Authors Note #1: I do not own the idea behind Winnie the Pooh, but I do own the idea behind this story.

Author's Note #2: I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST WINNIE THE POOH! I love that little bear, but this was an Idea that I couldn't let by.

Authors Note # 3: Just so u know, Soo (the parody of Roo) is FEMALE! She and the others are all based on people I know. Also, Drew isn't made up. He's me. Nothing about me is changed. All the characters are my friends in the suits off who they parody.

Winnie the Drew: 

A satirical mockery of the beloved Disney Character

Chorus: Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh  
Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff  
Winnie the-

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Drew: Ahem

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Chorus Member: But your version makes no sense.

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Drew: (Flashing 100$ bills) Once again. Ahem.

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Chorus: Winnie the Drew, Winnie the Drew  
Tubby little psycho, all stuffed with rage  
He's Winnie the Drew, Winnie the Drew  
Psychopathic, Anti-Social, Misfit…………………..

Ole bear.

(The scene changes to the 40 ½ acre wood- due to deforestation.)

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Narrator: This is the story of Winnie the Drew, or Drew, as he liked to be called.

(Drew walks in, dressed in a Pooh costume, with a black shirt "Drew" on it, his face visible in the head.)

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Drew: This is not the most humiliating moment in my life. Ooo, a dollar (He bends down, a tear is heard)..That is.

  
**Narrator:** Yes. Drew is a bear of sizeable brains and high psychopathic tendencies.

Today, Drew is in his thinking spot.

(We see Drew sitting on a log under and apple tree)

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Drew: Think (an apple falls on him) (Disgruntled voice) Think (another apple) (Angry voice)

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THINK! (All the apples fall on him. He is covered..)

(Stiglet walks up to the pile. Drews head pops up.)

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Drew: Get me the hell out of here!

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Stiglet: Hey Drew, (picks up an apple and begins to munch it), What's up?

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Drew: Not much, just the force of the apples is cutting off my circulation. (He puffs out, the apples fly off) That's better.

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Stiglet: What were you thinking about?

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Drew: (Opens his hand, revealing a grey bong) Trying to think of who this might belong to.

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Stiglet: Not many choices, we're a small cast.

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Drew: True, let's check around.

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Narrator: And so, the two journeyed around the 40 ½ acre wood. They came across a hole in the ground.

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Drew: That's a big hole.

Stiglet: (Stuffs his head in the hole) Anyone down there missing a bong?

(Stiglet is pushed out of the hole. Ropher appears. )

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Ropher: What the hell we're you doing in my hole??

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Stiglet: Checking if your missing a bong. And about your hole, bet you enjoyed having something in it!

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Ropher: What are you saying Pork Boy?

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Stiglet: Nothing Rat boy.

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Ropher: How bout I kick around your pigskin ass?

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Stiglet: How about I play a game of Whack-A-Mole!!

Drew: Guys, Calm yourselves. We're all friends here. Now, Ropher, are you missing a grey bong?

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Ropher: Nope, I don't do that crazy shit. You should try Nickger. 

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Stiglet: Where do we find him?

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Drew: Just wait a minute or two?

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Nickger: The wonderful thing about Nickgers  
Is Nickgers are wonderful things  
Their tops are made out of stubborn,   
Their bottoms are made out of things (winks)  
They're bouncy, trouncy, hounchy , pouncy  
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun  
And the most wonderful thing about Nickgers…….  
Is I'm the only one  
Yes, I'm the only one!

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Drew: Hey Nickger, what's (Nickger bounces into Drew) Up. Besides you.

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Nickger: Heard my name and bounced right over.

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Stiglet: Right. Drew bear and I are trying to find out who's bong this is.

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Ropher: It yours?

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Nickger: Nope. Don't smoke. But I had some Viagra and let me tell you…… this ain't my tail!

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Ropher, Stiglet, Drew: Uh…. Right…

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Nickger: You know, it could be Janga's 

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Drew: Good call. Let's go find her.

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Narrator: And so, the four journeyed, still searching for the bong's owner, all the wile wondering if Nickger was telling the truth about his tail…..

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Narrator: They continued through the wood, making their way to Janga's house…

(Scene changes to Janga's house. She and her sister, Soo, our outside)

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Janga: (Looking near her sisters pouch) So, Nickger's dicks got stripes too I see.

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Soo: (Looks at her pouch. Excited Voice) Ya I guess, cool isn't it??

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Janga: It's sick, It's demented.

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Soo: It's fun.

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Janga: Whatever.

(The 4 others arrive)

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Drew: Hey.

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Janga: Hey. What's up?

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Stiglet: This your bong?

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Janga: Nope. Sure it's a bong?

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Soo: Looks like a dildo (She is staring at Nickger's enlarged "extra tail)

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Drew: Nope, it's a bong alright.

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Janga: Well, if it's none of ours, then it's either Neyore's of Cabbit's. 

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Ropher: She's right. 

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Nickger: You guys go find them, Soo and I will go ask….. Nickger!

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Soo: Ya, we'll go ask him!

(They bounce away)

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Drew: Wait a sec. Ur Nickger. How in the hell--- Nevermind

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Narrator: The now 4 friends head off to see their good friend-

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Drew: Hold on buddy. We're not all friends. Were just a bunch of freaks with lots of free time on out hands.

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Narrator: Err.. Right. So the freaks went off to find the bong's owner.

(Scene changes to a garden. Cabbit the rabbit is passed out in the middle of his field of hemp, cocaine and marijuana )

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Stiglet: Hey Cabbit! WAKE UP!!

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Ropher: I think he's out cold.

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Janga: Not for long. (She walks over to Cabbit and steps on his nuts.)

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Cabbit: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!!

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Janga: Needed to wake you up. You got a problem with that??

Cabbit: (In fear) Uh…no. No problem at all.

Drew: Answer this question, and we'll get some ice for those berries of yours. This your bong?

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Cabbit: It's not mine (They all stare at his garden) Hey, I just grow it, I don't do it!

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Stiglet: Then who does?

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Cabbit: Neyore. Smokes the shit all the time.

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Drew: Great. Bonus. Let's go find Nickger and Soo and bring the bong back to Neyore.

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Janga: I don't think we should get the others .

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Ropher: Why not.

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Janga: Nevermind.

(The five animals head off, reaching Nickger's house. Loud noises can be heard inside.)

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Stiglet: What the hell is going on in there?

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Cabbit: Sounds like a gang bang.

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Drew: No way. But let's check it out.

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Janga: I warned you..

(They walk in. A dresser drawer is bouncing up and down. Drew opens it)

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Drew: (reeling back in horror) **MUDDER OF GOD!!!!**

(The other four look inside. Soo is on top of Nickger, his "other tail" stuffed in her pouch.)

Stiglet: Oh, that's not right!

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Janga: I warned you, you didn't listen.

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Cabbit: You knew about this?

Drew: I think I'm gonna hurl…..screw thinking (hurls on the floor)

Janga: It's not that sick.

Ropher: Says you.

Nickger: Look, we're all partially sane folk, and this is nothing to get worked up over.

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Drew: Bull. We catch you and the little kangaroo in the binds of…..I'm not gonna go there.

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Soo: Don't be so tough. We've been doing this for a few months.

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Drew: Whatever. This is "The Adventures of Winnie the Drew", not the "Fuck Friends Hour" ! 

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Ropher: What fatty said.

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Nickger: Okthen.

(The 6 leave)

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Narrator: With their minds scarred for life, the 6 freaks of nature-

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Cabbit: Only 2 of us our freaks (pints to Nickger and Soo)

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Narrator: Right. The 6 continue their journey, passing tree and bush, heading to Neyores.

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Ropher: You smell that?

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Stiglet: (Smells the air) Smells like (becomes relaxed) ya….

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Nickger: It's weed.

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Drew: Before we all get the munchies, let's bring this bong back.

(The six stumble down the hill, stopping in front of a small stick hut. The hut falls. Neyore is inside surrounded by smoke)

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Neyore: Hey.. My house fell down……Bonus.

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Janga: This your bong?

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Neyore: It's one of mine. I got a lot.

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Drew: Good. Now we brought it back.

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Ropher: What do we do now?

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Soo: Get high!

(The entire group sit in the rebuilt hut and hotbox themselves.)

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The End (Of Story One)

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	2. The Munchies

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Pt.2: The Munchies

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Narrator: After many hours of unconscious slumber, Winnie the Drew awoke from his stoned rest, filled with the munchies.   


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Drew: What's a bear gotta do to get some Fucking food around here!

(No answer)

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Drew: Ahem.

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Narrator: Yes. Right. Right away, Drew bear started to walk, getting his mind off food.

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Drew: Wrong. I'm looking for food, dumbass.

(Drew walks a bit, and doesn't notice the tree in front of him …till he hits it.)

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Drew: OUCH! Who the hell put that tree there??

(Looks up, and sees a beehive.)

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Drew: Mmmm.. Food. (Looks at the height of the tree) The only redwood in the forest, and it's the one with food.. Perfect.

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Narrator: Any idea how to get the food?

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Drew: I was about to ask you the same question… Wait… I got an idea!

(Drew walks off screen. He returns with climbing equipment.)

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Drew: Bears can climb trees, can't they?

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Narrator: Yes, but most bears your height don't weigh 206lbs.

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Drew: Touché. But that food will be mine.

(Drew climbs 1/3 up the tree, then his rope snaps.)

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Drew: Shit.

(He falls. Drew is flattened on the ground. He peels himself up.)

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Narrator: Told you so.

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Drew: Shut up. I will do it.

(Drews walks off screen. We get a wide shot of the tree)

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Drew: RAHHHH!!! (Runs straight into the tree, head first)

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Narrator: And so, after many attempts, Drew finally gave-

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Drew: Not yet my psychic friend!

(Goes off screen. Runs back on with a chainsaw and a hockey mask)

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Drew: Die stupid tree! (Chainsaw breaks)

(Goes off screen again. Comes back on with an axe. It shatters)

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Drew: AHHH! (Wider shot. Drews runs full force into the tree again)

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Narrator: Oh boy.

(Drews hits head on and the hive falls onto his head)

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Drew: Hmm. AHHHH! (Runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off)

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Narrator: In the meantime, Stiglet had awoken, and wandered to the sound of the screaming.

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Stiglet: What the hell is going on (He sees Drew) Am I still stoned?

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Drew: AHHH! (His the tree) Get this thing off me! (Hits Stiglet, the hive splits)

Stiglet: AHH! 

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Drew: ( His face bruised by stings) What? (Passes out)

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Stiglet: Right… Now, what's there to eat?

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Narrator: So, leaving his injured friend out cold, Stiglet wandered till he reached Cabbit's garden.

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Stiglet: Drugs or not, it's edible. (Eats some leaves) Wow, I feel so light-headed (Passes out)

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Narrator: Once again, another of our heroes passes out, and we return to the others as two of them awaken. 

(We see the other 6 animals, and Nickger and Soo are waking up.)

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Nickger: I'm so hungry, I could eat anything.

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Soo: Me too. You thinking what I'm thinking? 

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Nickger: 69?

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Soo: Ya. Let's do it.

(The two begin to satisfy their munchies. In the meantime, Ropher has awakened)

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Ropher: Oh my head… (She the others) Oh, that's not right!

(He starts tunnelling and leaves)

(Cabbit has awakened. He looks around)

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Cabbit: No one to see me jerk off. Excellent.

(Janga has awakened behind him, and sees him ready to jerk off to the scene in front of him)

  
**Janga:** You sick little freak! (She kicks him into the next chapter)

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Neyore: (dazed) Why you so ticked off man, just relax.

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Janga: I'm ticked because I caught that little rabbit jerking off to my sister and Nickger.

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Neyore: Just relax and enjoy the rest. I don't think you'll get to rest again for a while.

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Janga: Whatever. (Begins to sleep)

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Neyore: And that's that. (Passes out)

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Narrator: And so, the friends all continue to rest and-

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Drew: (awake/angry) Just shut up, won't you?

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The End (Of Story Two)

  


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	3. Aftermath

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Pt. 3: Aftermath

Narrator: After many hours, Soo and Nickger finally finished their meal, and joined the others in their unconscious bliss.

(We see Janga, Soo, Nickger, and Neyore passed out. Drew and Stiglet are heading to see if the others have awoken)

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Drew: So how did you end up in the field ?

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Stiglet: All I remember is seeing you running around with a beehive on your head.

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Drew: That happened? I thought that was a side effect of the drugs.

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Stiglet: Whatever. The others are right over there.

(They walk up to the pile. Their feet begin to get stuck)

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Stiglet: Why is the grass so sticky?

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Drew: Don't know, looks like a spider shit itself.

(They follow the sticky trail to Nickger and Soo.)

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Drew: (Figuring it out) Oh That's not right!!!

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Stiglet: Shit. The trail goes all the way into her pouch!!

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Drew: Leave it to Nickger to make a mess like this.

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Stiglet: Wonder how much he did. (Sticks his head inside Soo's pouch) Shit I'm stuck!

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Drew: Dumbass.

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Stigler: Let me out of here.

(Drew slowly steps away, out of sight, just as Janga awakens)

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Janga: What. WHAT THE HELL?

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(Soo awakens. So does Nickger.)

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Nickger: Traitor! Going after my bitch!

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Janga: What did you just call my sister?

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Soo: (moans) I feel all funny inside.

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Stiglet: Shit! (Pulls head out) Sorry abut that.

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Nickger: SORRY? Come here you little bastard!

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Janga: You're the bastard! What did you call my sister?!

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Soo: I think he called me his bitch…..Wait a minute!

(The four start to beat on each other. Meanwhile, Neyore and Drew are sitting in a tree watching it.)

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Drew: That another side effect?

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Neyore: I don't think so. You plan this?

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Drew: I plan nothing. I just play things out as they go. (Looks up) It's about to get better.

(Cabbit is falling from the sky. He falls past the tree, the fight, trough Ropher's hole, straight into the core of the Earth)

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Neyore: Shit. Great dive. (Starts to toke up) What do we do now?

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Drew: We do nothing. You toke, they fight. I go home, eat, jerk off, sleep, the I stop the fight.

(Cabbit starts to climb out of the hole)

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Drew: Screw that. Grab some weed and follow me.

(The two go to the hole. They drop weed into the hole. It's starts to burn as Drew covers the hole.)

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Neyore: What was the point of that?

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Drew: Give it a minute.

(Ropher, stoned, pops out of another hole.)

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Ropher: Wow… I can see EVERYTHING!!

(He bumps into Cabbit and the two stumble into the brawl.)

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Neyore: Good call. Now what?

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Drew: We could stop the fight, but it's about to become a rather sticky situation.

(The 6 fighters roll right into the sticky grass. They stop fighting and discover that they are stuck.)

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Nickger: Hmm… Trapped by my own fluids. How ironic.

Stiglet: This sucks.

Janga: Maybe. It was definitely sucked before. 

Drew: That was sick… You'll be the first to get free. (Pulls out some scissors. Cuts the grass holding Stiglet and Janga.) Anyone else?

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Janga: Wait a minute. (Kicks Nickger full force in the nuts.) That's for calling Soo your bitch.

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Nickger: This isn't my day.

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Drew: All in favour of leaving Soo and Nickger stuck here?

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Cabbit, Ropher, Janga, Stiglet, Neyore: Aye.

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Drew: All opposed?

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Soo: Nay!

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Nickger: Why are you opposed?

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Soo: I already had my fun today. I need some time to recuperate.

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Drew: Right. All in favour of leaving Nickger stuck? 

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Cabbit, Ropher, Soo, Janga, Stiglet, Neyore: Aye.

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Drew: Opposed?

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Nickger: Nay!

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Neyore: 7 to 1. Enjoy.

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Nickger: I'll get you for this Drew.

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Narrator: And so, the 7 animals went home, leaving Nickger to freeze his balls off in the night.

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The End (Of Story Three)


	4. Dreams

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Pt. 4: Dreams

Narrator: It was a dreary morning in the 40 ½ acre wood. But that had no effect on Drew, who was out for a walk.

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Drew: Shh… Everyone's asleep.

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Narrator: So why are you awake?

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Drew: They say you learn about people by what they say in their sleep.

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Narrator: So you plan to listen to them?

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Drew: Then bribe them. I'm a bear of sizeable brains and much free time.

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Narrator: Another question what's with the machine?

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Drew: This will allow me to SEE their dreams.

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Narrator: Oh boy…

(Drew makes his way to Stiglet's house)

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Drew: Let us test, and record little Stiglet's dreams.

(Places the machine on Stiglet's head. The picture is fuzzy)

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Drew: Hold on (Messes with the Antenna. Picture becomes clear. ) Perfect.

(Picture shows Stiglet surrounded by female pigs. He's fucking them all at once.)

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Stiglet: zzz…..Ya like that don't ya ..zzz 

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Drew: I could have lived without seeing that.

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Narrator: What now?

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Drew: (Goes over to a sink.) Now we have fun.

(Fills a bowl and places Stiglet's hand in it)

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Drew: Now off to Cabbit's and Neyore's, then the lovebirds.

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Narrator: This will be a long night… I'll be out back.

(Drew continues his journey. He ends up at Cabbit's. Cabbit is passed out in the field)

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Drew: Wonder what he's dreaming about? (Points to Cabbit's hand, which is holding his dick)

(Places the machine on Cabbit's head. He fixes the antenna.)

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Drew: That's just wrong! (Picture show Cabbit stuffing a carrot in his ass whilst jerking off)

I'm getting out of here before this goes further…

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Narrator: Where to next. Ropher's?

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Drew: No. It would take to long to find him. Nickger's next.

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Narrator: I have a bad feeling about this.

(After a while Drew makes it to Nickger's. He tries the door)

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Drew: Shit (Looks at the chimney.) Double shit.

(Drew climbs down chimney and hit's the fireplace.)

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Drew: Ouch. (Looks at Nickger) Glad he's a heavy sleeper. 

(Walks over to Nickger. Places machine on his head)

(Picture is of Nickger muttering something.)

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Nickger: Little fuck. Your ass is mine Drew, You'll pay….zzz

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Drew: I'm getting out of here before he wakes up.

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Narrator: You need a new writer. You've used the same line twice.

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Drew: Shut up voice box. Now to the Kangaroo's…

(Drew starts walking, and hears a voice behind him)

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Voice: Drew! What brings you out on a day like this?

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Drew: (looks behind him. An owl is there) Fowul! Long story..

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Fowul: I got nothing but time. What's with the machine?

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Drew: Let's me see people's dreams.

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Fowul: Anything good?

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Drew: The best is yet to come.

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Fowul: I'd join you, but I got work to do.

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Drew: Work?

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Fowul: They pay me 50$ to stay out of sight.

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Drew: God deal. Later!

(Fowl flies off. Drew continues till he reaches Janga and Soo's house. He sneaks in the window.)

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Drew: (Looking around) Seems I'm in Soo's room. This ought to be good.

(Places the machine over Soo's head. The image in torn. Drew fixes the antenna)

(The image shows Soo whipping Nickger and Stiglet whilst they fuck her.)

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Drew: (Disgusted voice) I won't be sleeping for a good while thanks to that.

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Narrator: Finished yet?

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Drew: One more.

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Narrator: Janga?

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Drew: Nope. These Kangaroo's are sick-minded. We're heading to Neyores!

(Drew walks to Neyore's the donkey is out flat in front of his hut.)

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Drew: I should be recording this.

(Places the machine on Neyore's head. The picture is clear.)

(Image shows Neyore, Einstein and Newton sitting around smoking up.)

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Neyore: Wow.

Einstein: Wow.

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Newton: You two said the same thing….Wow….

(Turns machine off)

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Drew: Didn't't see that coming…

(The picture goes wide. The image we see is on the machine, which rests on Drew's head. It is being watched by the author)

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Author: Bet you didn't't see this one coming either!

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The End (Of Story 4)


	5. Court

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Pt. 5: Court

Narrator: It was late afternoon in the wood, and Ropher was admiring a job well done.

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Ropher: That's the best tunnel I've ever dug. Today is a time for celebration …. I'll get a 6-pack

(Ropher goes into his hole. Above, Fowul is flying.)

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Fowul: Oh…man, I gotta take a shit so bad I can taste it (struggles) That's better** .**

(His turd falls to the earth, and hit's the tunnel forcing it to cave in.)

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Ropher: (from the rubble) What the hell happened to my tunnel? (Digs out) Oh shit, (looks at the turd) literally

(Fowul, seeing Ropher, flies down) 

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Fowul: Hey Ropher, what's going on?

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Ropher: Some little turd's little……turd, destroyed my new tunnel.

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Fowul: (looking at the turd) Looks like the kind of turd I shit out earlier…looks at lot like it.

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Ropher: Is it yours?

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Fowul: Could be. Why?

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Ropher: Because it destroyed my new tunnel! And if it is yours, I'll see you in court!!!

(Scene changes to a court room)

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Janga: All rise for the dishonourable Jude Drew Bear!

(Drew walks out in judge uniform)

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Drew: Thank you bailiff. Now, why are e all here?

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Janga: We're here to settle the matter of the Ropher / Fowul shit case.

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Drew: ….right. Are they being their own lawyers?

Ropher / Fowul: Yep.

Drew: It's gonna be a long day. Ropher, present you case.

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Ropher: Thank you your honor. At 13h00 yesterday, I had just completed an extremely complex tunnel. I went to celebrate, when the accused took a dump and destroyed my tunnel. See exhibit "A", the turd.

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Drew: (smelling the air) Woo! That's foul!

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Ropher: Yes, it does belong to Fowul.

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Drew: I didn't mean it like….Nevermind.

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Ropher: I want a settlement of….1 Billion Dollars!!!

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Drew: For what?

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Ropher: Emotional distress that was suffered during the collapse.

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Fowul: I don't have that kind of money and you know it!

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Drew: Look. Fowul, present your case so we can get this over with and go home.

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Fowul: I was flying and I had to take a dump. It was nature calling.

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Drew: Too much info, Jury?

(We see the jury box. Cabbit is masturbating, Neyore is stoned, and Nickger and Soo are busy)

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Nickger: We're in deadlock your honor.

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Soo: In more ways then one.

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Drew: Right. Well, I have a choice. Give Ropher the settlement… Let Fowl go… or do neither, and bust everybody (checks his watch) And the hockey game's on in 10 minutes.

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Janga: Verdict?

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Drew: Well, I believe DX said it best… in this case, you two both loose, so SUCK IT!!!!

(Does the DX Taunt)

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Soo: Too late.

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Ropher: Fuck you Drew.

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Fowul: What he said, (takes a shit) Dammit!

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Ropher: You might want to get that checked.

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Drew: Ya, I don't think constant shitting is healthy.

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Narrator: And thus, the crisis averted, everyone went home happy.

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Drew: That's bull. Ropher's pissed, Fowul has a colon problem, and the my team lost the game.

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Narrator: I see. Thus, all was as it should be in the 40½ acre wood.

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The End (Of Story 5)


	6. AHH!

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Pt. 6: AHH!

Narrator: It was a regular day in the wood. But a strange feeling could be felt in the wind. Drew was out for a walk, and he could feel the strangeness too.

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Drew: (Deep voice) I sense a disturbance in the force… Probably my stomach. 

(Drew is heading to his thinking spot)

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Drew: Think…Think…Think.. I got it. I'll go see Nickger. He's usually bored.

(Drew continues waking till he arrives at Nickger's door)

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Drew: (listening) Hmm… Wonder what's going on in there. (Opens door. His pupils whiten) AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

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Narrator: Are you ok?

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Drew: Well… my balls are itchy, my head hurts… and… I'M BLIND!!!!

(Runs around and falls off porch)

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Drew: I can see again!

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Narrator: What was happening in Nickger's house?

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Drew: AAAHHHH!!! I'm blind again!!!

(Drew is running around wildly till he hit's a tree)

****

Drew: I can see again 

(Stiglet and Ropher appear)

****

Stiglet: Hey.

****

Drew: Hey.

****

Ropher: Hey, were heading to Nickgers.

(Drew's eyes become white)

****

Drew: AAAHHH!!!

****

Stiglet: What the?

****

Ropher: Drew, calm down.

****

Drew: Can't calm down, can't see!!!

(Drew hit's the same tree. His eyes become normal, but he's out cold.)

****

Ropher: What the hell just happened?

****

Stiglet: Let's bring him with us.

(The 2 carry Drew's body to Nickgers)

(Drew awakens. He is on a table in Nickger's house. Ropher, Soo, Stiglet and Nickger stand around him)

****

Nickger: You okay?

****

Drew: (Insane look in eyes. Biting lip) Fine. Perfect. How bout you?

****

Soo: Uh.. We're all fine.

****

Stiglet: You remember what happened?

****

Drew: Did I run straight into a tree?

****

Ropher: Ya.

****

Drew: Don't remember.

****

Ropher: Okay then.

(Scene changes. The group are sitting in Nickger's main room. Drew is sitting, biting his lip and looking strained)

****

Nickger: So, what brought you goys here?

****

Ropher: Well, Nickger (Drew's face cringes) Uh… Stiglet and I were heading here to see what you were doing.

****

Nickger: Soo and I were busy. We heard a knock on the door, but no one is there.

****

Stiglet: Drew, you were near here. Was it you.

****

Drew: (Face turns insane, eyes white) AHHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! My eyes saw things not natural!!! AAAHHHH!!! (Collapses)

****

Soo: That's not good.

****

Nickger: Get some water.

(Drew wakes up.)

****

Drew: I can see again. ..Now.. What the hell were you two doing earlier!!!!

****

Soo: …Well..

****

Nickger: Soo bought some shit off the internet and decided to use it.

****

Stiglet: (Apprehensive) What kind of stuff???

****

Ropher: Don't ask you moron!

****

Drew: They don't have to say. Just look here. They filmed it.

(Turns on the tape. The 3- Drew, Stiglet, Ropher faces show disgust. Nickger's and Soo's show excitement)

****

Ropher: I believe I speak for all of us when I say….. AAAHHHHH!!!!

****

Drew: Good call.

****

Soo: If you don't want to see more of it, I suggest you leave.

(The 3 leave. Soo walks out of the room)

****

Nickger: Nothing wrong with this shit.

(Soo walks in as Nickger sets up the camera. Soo is dressed like a dominatrix and holding a whip.)

****

Soo: Ready?

****

Nickger: (putting on a chained collar) Ready.

(Outside window)

****

Drew: AAAAHHHH!!!

****

The End (Of Story 6)


	7. Sup?

Note: The Wasssup idea came from something me and 2 of my friends {Nickger and Janga} used to do on MSN.

****

Pt. 6.5: Sup?

(Drew is in his house eating. He picks up the phone and dials)

****

Stiglet: Hey.

Drew: Hey man, what you doin?

Stiglet: Drinking a Blue, watchin the game. U?

Drew: Watchin the game, drinking a Blue.

Stiglet: True. Hold on.

(Stiglet has another call)

****

Stiglet: Hello?

****

Nickger: WASSSSSSUUUUUPPP!!!!

****

Stiglet: WASSSSSSSSUUUUUPPPP!!! (Presses 3-way calling) Hey Drew!

****

Drew: What?

****

Stiglet / Nickger: WASSSSSUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

****

Drew: WASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!! (He has another call.) Hello?

Ropher: Hey man.

****

Drew: WAASSSSUUUUUPPPP!!!!

****

Ropher: WAAASSSUUUPPPP!!!!

****

Stiglet: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Ropher: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Nickger: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!! (Soo walks into Nickger's house) Soo, pick up a phone!

****

Soo: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

****

Nickger: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Drew: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Ropher: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Stiglet: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

****

Nickger: Hold on. (Dials a number)

****

Janga: Hello?

****

Group: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

****

Janga: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

(Fowul flies up to Drew's window)

****

Fowul: Hey

****

Drew: (tosses 2 phones) Bring one to Neyore.

(Fowul flies off and delivers phone. He and Neyore turn them on.)

****

Neyore: Hey.

****

Group: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

****

Neyore: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

Fowul: WAAASSSSUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

(Drew dials Cabbit's number. He doesn't't anwser)

****

Drew: Damn. Well, later eh.

****

Group: Later.

(They all hang up. Cabbit picks up the phone.)

****

Cabbit: Hello?? Damn.

****

The End (Of Story 6.5)


	8. Winnie the Drew and Christmas Too

****

Note: This Chapter is dedicated to my friend Jacky (Janga). Without her sick ideas, this chapter would not have been possible. So without further ado, Thanks Jacky, and I hope you and anyone else who reads this enjoys it. (:p)

_-Drew_

Pt. 7: Winnie the Drew & Christmas Too

(It's a wintry scene. Snow covers all, and the Author, Drew, Nickger, Janga, Soo, Stiglet, Ropher and Neyore sit on a snowy hill)

****

Author: Well guys, you've been close to good this year. What do you want Santa to bring you?

****

Stiglet: I'd like a (whisper to Author)

****

Author: Ok then, one extra-large sex toy.

(Groups cringes)

****

Drew: (Whispering) Tell Santa to bring a 6-pack for Stiglet.

****

Author: Cool. What about you Ropher?

****

Ropher: A small version of whatever pig-boy asked for.

****

Drew: And a 6-pack for Ropher too.

****

Neyore: I'd like a greenhouse to keep my stash warm in the winter.

****

Stiglet: So that's why you haven't been stoned.

****

Janga: I want a shotgun. (Group steps back) What??

****

Drew: 6-packs for Janga and Neyore…. Noticing a pattern yet?

****

Soo: I'd like a vibrator…for when Nickger is busy.

****

Drew: uh….Okthen, bring a-

****

Author: 6-Pack for Soo? I'm noticing the pattern.

****

Drew: Yes…that'll do.

****

Nickger: Whatever Santa wants to bring me, let him bring it.

****

Drew: And of course a 6-Pack for Nickger.

****

Author: Anyone else? Well then, next stop, the North Pole.

(Author let's go of the letter, and it flies North in the wind)

(Next Morning, December 24th)

(Drew is setting up his tree. He steps back to look at it, but someone knocks at the door)

****

Drew: Hold on eh! (Nickger's at the door) G'day.

****

Nickger: Wassup?

****

Drew: Setting up my tree, but something's missing.

Nickger: That's why I'm here. You forgot something.

****

Drew: Probably. (Looks at tree) Popcorn strings? Antique Decorations? A Present?

****

Nickger: Yup. When the author was asking what us, you forgot to say something. Dumbass.

****

Drew: Great. Shit. Bonus. Get your coat.

****

Nickger: Why?

****

Drew: I'm not getting gypped this year. We're going to find that letter.

****

Nickger: Oh boy..

(Scene changes to hill they sat on yesterday. They look at the weather vane. It's pointing North)

****

Nickger: What's the plan?

Drew: We will trek north, facing fierce odds, strange beings, harsh climates till we find the letter, then….

Nickger: Uh.. Drew?

Drew: What?: Why are you interrupting my dramatic speech?

Nickger: Cause the letter is on the weather vane.

Drew: Oh.. Makes sense. You don't happen to have a pencil do you?

****

Nickger: (Checking fur) Pencil, pencil.. Nope. No pencil

****

Drew: Shit. We gotta get a pencil or I can't ask for shit.

****

Nickger: You wanted to ask for shit?

****

Drew: Shut up and walk.

(The 2 head off and into the snow covered forest with the letter in hand.)

(Further in the forest, Neyore is sitting outside his hut)

****

Neyore: It'll do till I get my greenhouse. (Ropher speeds into hut, chased by Stiglet) Shit.

****

Stiglet: (swinging bat) Get back here you buck-toothed rat!

****

Ropher: Calm down, it's Christmas. You know, Goodwill towards mankind?

****

Stiglet: True… But we're animals!! (continues to chase him)

****

Neyore: Calm down eh, relax. It's Christmas Eve. You want Santa to bring you your….gift, right?

****

Stiglet: (stops) Your right…Think he'll bring the gifts?

****

Ropher: (near them) Of course! That letter was from the heart, full of true holiday greed. He's probably reading it now, and his beady eyes are full of tears.

(Drew and Nickger appear)

****

Nickger: Hey.

****

Group: Hey.

****

Drew: Any of you have a pencil?

****

Ropher: Pig boy and I don't have one on us, and if stoner had one, it's in pieces by now.

****

Drew: Dammit. You know what this means right?

****

Nickger: You're screwed?

Drew: No, we have to see the Kangaroo's.

Stiglet: So Nickger can get screwed!

(Nickger calmly steps back, then punches Stiglet in the gut.)

(Groups heads to the Kangaroo's house.)

(We see inside the house. Janga is asleep in a chair. A small spider lands just above her head. Out of nowhere, her hands snatches it.)

****

Janga: Gotta be faster the that. (Another one is on the window. She tosses a rock) DIE!!

(Janga misses, the Spider laughs, and runs off)

****

Janga: Soon, with my shotgun, they will all die.

(Knock on the door)

****

Janga: Polite little things ain't they? (Grabs handful of rocks) (Opens door) DIE!! (Raises hand, opens eyes, sees group.)….Sorry bout that.

****

Drew: No problem.

Janga: What you all want?

Nickger: Drew and I need a pencil. The rest just followed us.

Drew: So you have a pencil?

(Soo enters, hyped up)

****

Soo: Sure we do. Why do you need one??

Nickger: Drew forgot to ask for a gift.

Soo: Shit. Guess your screwed.

Stiglet: Nope. Look what they got. (Points to letter"

Neyore: Good call.

Ropher: So, (holding pencil and letter) what do you want?

Drew: I want -

Janga: Just write a case of 24.

****

Drew: Thanks. Put down a supply of ammo for Janga's shotgun.

Janga: Cool.

Neyore: Since everyone's so giving, make Ropher and Stiglet's gifts top of the line.

Stiglet: And make Neyore's greenhouse big enough for all his drugs.

Soo: Give Nickger 2 of whatever!

****

Nickger: Add some bondage shit for Soo!

(Room goes quiet)

****

Nickger: Scratch that last one.

****

Drew: What time is it?

Ropher: Almost 3:00pm

Drew: Stiglet, come with me. We gotta toss this letter to the wind.

Nickger: Why not me?

Ropher: Cause I think you have some explaining to do.

(Cut to Drew and Stiglet tossing letter to the wind, then heading down the hill to their homes. As Drew closes the door, we see the letter fly beneath his door)

****

Drew: Oh Shit…

(Cut to Stiglet's house. Drew is at the door)

****

Stiglet: What do we do now?

Drew: Only thing we can do. I'll need a red suit and hat. Plus a pair of antlers.

Stiglet: Oh boy.

(It's night. We see the outside of Nickger's house. Nickger and Soo are inside.)

****

Soo: Should we start to celebrate early? 

Nickger: Well… (Knock on door) Hold that thought.

(Opens door. Drew is there, wearing Santa hat, coat and beard.)

****

Drew: Ho! Ho! Ho!

(Nickger closes door)

****

Nickger: (To Soo) It's Santa…Always thought he'd be taller.

****

Drew: (from outside) Open the door, it's fucking cold!

****

Nickger: Ok ok.. Wait, shouldn't you be coming down the chimney??

****

Drew: (Looking at Chimney) Ah shit.

(Nickger and Soo wait near Tree)

****

Drew: (falling down chimney) SHIT!!! (Hits log) Fucking log! Uh…Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas (hands them gifts and runs out door)

****

Soo: (Opening gift) Finally I got my…(looking at gift) Egg timer shaped like a pickle?

Nickger: Ha! And I got… a box..

Soo: That cheapskate! Let's find him and tear off his balls!

Nickger: Oh boy.

(We see inside Janga's house. Some spiders are sitting calmly)

****

Janga: (To spiders) Relax, no fear (whispers) Soon I'll have my shotgun, and then…

(There's a sound at the window. Drew crashes through)

****

Janga: Santa? Always thought he'd be taller...

Drew: Ho! Ho! Oh, my head. (Looks at Janga) Here you go, Merry Christmas. (Hands her gift, runs out door)

(Janga opens gift, inside is a toy pop-gun)

****

Janga: It'll do…Die 8 Legged scum!!! (Tries to fire gun, pop bullet flies out, string stops in front of spider) Uh oh. 

(We see the spiders chase Janga outside, where she runs into Nickger and Soo)

****

Nickger: What happened to you?

Janga: (Holding gun) Look what Santa brought me.. Cheapskate.

Soo: (showing egg timer) He got us to.

( A sound is heard)

****

Nickger: Hark, I hearth a donkey in distress.

(The 3 walk towards the sound.)

(Neyore is trapped in a small wooden house painted green)

****

Nickger: What happened? Santa was supposed to bring you a green house (looks at house.) I see he did. 

Neyore: Get me outta here! Well, don't hurry, The paint is giving me a good high..

(Out of the sky falls Ropher, who breaks house on contact)

****

Ropher: Sorry bout that. My Christmas gift turned out to be a bunch of balloons tied together. Stupid things blew up!

Neyore: My gift was suffocating me.

Janga: We have to stop "Santa" before he delivers more gifts.

Soo: How do we do that?

Janga: By following the footprints fatty left in the snow.

(The 5-some follow the tracks. Further ahead, Santa Drew and Stiglet rest on a hill)

****

Drew: This is a lot harder then I thought.

Stiglet: What now? Grab a beer and rest till tomorrow?

Drew: We should. But I think I hear the others heading this way. Now act like a reindeer and get ready to run.

(The group arrive near the hill.)

****

Nickger: Stop right there!

Drew: Where?

Nickger: Good point.. Just don't move.

Drew: Uh… I have lots more gifts to deliver.

Janga: Sure…How do we know you're the real Santa?

Drew: Because…I have the suit. And the beard. And the reindeer… So I guess I'm Santa.

****

Ropher: He makes a good point.

Neyore: Ya, but that's a sorry looking reindeer.

Soo: Allright. Let's see you make your reindeer fly.

Drew and Stiglet: (wide-eyed) Fly??

(The group look at them impatiently.)

****

Drew: Uhh.. Well, on….uh… on Dancer, and Prancer, On Dasher and Vixen, on Comet and Cupid, Donner and… uhh. (counts on fingers)

(From off Camera) **Reindeer**: BLITZEN ! YOU DUMB FUCK!!

****

Drew: Right… On Blitzen. Now fly stupid reindeer fly!

Stiglet: (running)When this is over…

(They keep running, and then fall off the hill, bowling down the group)

****

Janga: That was to be expected. (Looking at Drew and Stiglet) Drew? Stiglet?

Drew: Hey.. Ho! Ho! Ho??

Soo: Your dead!!! I'm gonna rip your balls off with a spoon!

Drew: Woo! Stop the P.M.S, I can explain.

(Drew explains what happened with the letter and the plan)

****

Nickger: Makes sense.

Soo: Sorry bout the ball thing.

****

Drew: Sorry for fucking up your Christmas… I owe you one.

Janga: You owe us more then one. But we'll get to that later.

Stiglet: Maybe Santa knows what we want, and will bring it without a letter.

Nickger: Right… And angels will fly around my ass.

Drew: Not much we can do now. I say we all go to our homes and get some rest.

(The group head home, disappointed that Christmas is ruined)

The En- (Drew and Nickger run in)

****

Drew: You didn't think we'd end it like that did you? Err..

Nickger: Let's do that death ending.

Drew: We gotta do the real ending first, then the death ending, then the Super Happy Ending

Nickger: Super Happy ending? Allright. On to the real ending!

(The two do the "de-le-le" thing from Wayne's World)

(Real Ending)

(It's Christmas morning. We see inside Drew's House.)

****

Drew: …Why's it so bright out? (Looks under tree) An where did that gift come from? (Opens it. Inside is a Bubba of Beer) EXCELLENT!!

(We are now in Stiglet's house.)

****

Stiglet: (Looking at gift box) I must have been really good this year. (Opens it, reveals large robot sex toy that resembles an elf) Thank you God!

(Janga's house)

****

Janga: (opening gift) Finally (loads Shotgun) Time to die you eight legged freaks!! (Kills 3 spiders with 1 shot)

(Neyore's Hut. Neyore looks at Greenhouse next to his hut)

****

Neyore: New Weed, New Year, New High. Cool (Tokes up)

(Ropher pops out of a hole near him)

****

Ropher: Look what I got (Holds up box, "Extra Large Sex Toy with real pussy)

****

Neyore: Cool man..

(We cut to Nickger in front of a large box. Inside is a smaller box)

****

Nickger: If there's a smaller box inside that one, I'll kill. (Opens it. Eyes Widen) Sanata knew what I wanted Allright.

(Inside Box is Soo with her Vibrator)

****

Soo Should we start to celebrate?

****

Nickger: Hell ya! Merry Christmas! (Hops in and closes top)

The En-- (Drew and Nickger run in again)

****

Nickger: Cool. Now let's do the death ending.

Drew: Death Ending, kick ass.

(They do the "de-le-le" thing again)

****

(Death Ending: Everyone has their gifts, but then**…)**

(We see Neyore turning on the heat lamps in the greenhouse. As he walks out, it catches fire)

****

Neyore: My Weed!!! Nooo!!! (Runs inside to save drugs, comes out coughing) It was worth it… (Coughs and dies)

(Next, we see Ropher in his tunnel. Inside is Ropher and his sex toy)

****

Ropher: Let's see how realistic it is (Moves down to it's pussy) Looks real enough. Let's test (tries to lick it, and his head gets stuck inside) What….the…fuck.. (Stops breathing)

(In Stiglet's house, he looks tired after trying out his gift he flips through the manual)

****

Stiglet: This has to be the greatest gift I've ever got. Now, what does this button do?

(Presses button. Gift starts to shake and flash)

****

Voice: Self-Destruct sequence engaged. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

****

Stiglet: Shit.

(We see Stiglet's house explode in a mushroom cloud)

(Gun shots are heard. They are coming from Janga's. The walls are covered in bullet holes. Janga stands a few feet from a spider, gun in hand.) 

****

Janga: Die you piece of shit. (fires gun. Bullet ricochets off wall, hits Janga) Fuck!

(As the body count rises, we go to Nickger's house)

(Inside, Nickger and Soo are in the closet.)

****

Soo (being pierced by Nickger's "tail") I …think…you used… too much…viagra (She explodes as he comes)

****

Nickger: (reeling from the shockwave) Oh no.. This can't get worse (Axe falls from shelf, cut's "tail" off) I should stop saying that (slumps over dead)

(We see Drew standing up on a hill, having witnessed the body count)

****

Drew: Shit, I'm not gonna lean this up. (Picks up rock and bashes head in)

The En--- (Drew and Nickger run in once more)

****

Drew: Most excellent death ending.

Nickger: Let's finish off with the Super Happy Ending.

(The do the "de-le-le" thing once more)

****

(Super Happy Ending)

( We cut to Ropher's as he finishes his gift)

****

Ropher: Now that was a good hole.

(We see Neyore, with his gift box turned into a bong)

****

Neyore: Wow, I knew this box would make an excellent bong (Tokes up) That tree would make an excellent bong.. (Takes a big puff, Eyes widen) Drew's head would make an excellent Bong!!!

(Next we enter Janga's. She's cradling her shotgun)

****

Janga: I love this gun… and anyone who says anything about that dies…

(Stiglet's, where he is one the floor wishing his gift were real)

****

Stiglet: I wish my gift were real… Is there a delayed echo in here?

(Suddenly, bright light emanates from around the gift. It comes to life.)

****

Elf Gift: Hello Stiglet, Want to screw me?

****

Stiglet: (Wide-eyed) Hell Ya! (Jumps into Elf's lap ands stars to fuck it)

(Now Nickger's. We see the closet door banging in and out, moans and vibrations being heard)

****

Nickger: Oh ya, Oh God!!!

****

Soo: Keep going! Harder bitch!!

(Image fades out, and the words "Winnie the Drew and Christmas Too" fill the small screen. Shot widens, and we see Drew sitting in a chair holding a beer)

****

Drew: Well, everyone got what they wanted, and then some, I'll have a huge hangover tomorrow, but I got this story turned into a Christmas Special)

(Entire Gang enters)

****

Nickger: Yup, everything turned out great…

Drew: And isn't it great that we're all better people?

(Everyone has huge grins on. We see Fowul flying by and taking a dump. His shit lands all over Ropher)

****

Drew: Come on, you knew it wouldn't't stay all happy for long did you? Err…

****

The End (of Story 7)


	9. The Great Flood

Note: If this Chapter doesn't offend you, nothing will -Drew

****

Pt. 8: The Great Flood

****

Narrator: It was a cold blustery day in the 40 ½ acre wood, and a strange feeling was in the air. Due to the weather, the cast sat in their homes doing whatever fucked-up animals do.

(We see 2 crates outside Nickger's house. One is labelled "Viagra", the other labelled "Female Viagra")

****

Narrator: I have a bad feeling about this. I'm going on break…

(Inside, near an open window, we see empty bottles of both products. Nickger and Soo can be heard moaning close by)

****

Soo: Oh God, oh god, I'm gonna cum like I've never cum before!!

Nickger: This stuff is great. HOLY SHIT!!

(We cut to outside the window. A waterfall of cum begins to flow heavily from it. A small lake begins to form, as more moaning is heard and another wave flows out.)

****

Neyore: (from a far) Uh-oh. Better clear my weed out before that lake hits here. (Pulls plants from ground and runs) Better call a jizzmopper in here!

(We see Cabbit sitting outside his house. He looks at the clouds)

****

Cabbit: Storm's coming, I can feel it in my balls. Course that could be from when Janga kicked the in… (He runs inside and boards up his windows)

(We cut to Ropher's hole. He is looking at a flyer for Chapters)

****

Ropher: Oh man…50% off…100% off selected titles! Oh God!!

(We see a geyser of cum blast from the hole. It starts flowing on the ground, mixing with the other lake)

****

Ropher: (looking at now-river of cum) I bet I get blamed for this.

(The storm Cabbit predicted is starting. The heavy rain mixes with the flood of cum as it continues to flow.)

(Fowul is flying close to the ground. A large wave of cum flies up and knocks him into a tree)

****

Fowul: I thought my day couldn't get any weirder!

****

Narrator: (back from break) Well, now with the flood in full steam, what are the other cast members doing to stop it?

(We see Drew with his head stuck in a honey pot)

****

Drew: I knew this Disney replica was booby-trapped!

(We see Stiglet asleep on a chair in his house. We also see Janga's house, surrounded by sandbags blocking the cum.)

****

Janga: At least I saw this one cumming (laughs) I told the author the viagra was a mistake but no one listens to me!

****

Narrator: Well, I guess they're all screwed/ Bye-Bye! (Runs off in Car)

(We now see the cum/water flooding out of Drew and Stiglet's homes. Stiglet is still asleep on the chair and Drew's honey pot balances on the flood with him above it.)

****

Drew: (Pulling head out, still balancing on pot.) Stupid Pot. (Looks around) What's with all the white? (Sees a squirrel trying to get free of the cum.) What the hell is going on?

(Sees Fowul stuck to a tree)

****

Fowul: When I said stick me back in the story I didn't mean like this!!

****

Drew: (Wide-eyed) That's it I'm going back in (sticks head back in pot again)

(We see Stiglet finally waking up)

****

Stiglet: What a screwy dream. I dreamt the whole wood was covered in white stuff. (Looks around) Hmm… wonder if this has anything to do with that shit I ate last night.

(Stiglet pulls himself off the chair)

****

Stiglet: Allright. So I'm floating down a river of cum on a chair that's slowly sinking. Well, like they say, Asses the situation calmly…THEN PANIC!! I'm gonna drown in jizz!!

(Finally, we get back to Nickger's house. He and Soo sit recovering on the floor)

****

Nickger: Wonder what happened to all our cum?

****

Soo: Let's look outside. It had to go somewhere.

(They look outside and see the flood)

****

Both: Uh-oh.

(They see Drew in his pot and Stiglet on his chair)

****

Soo: They're in deep…something. We gotta help them.

Nickger: Do you really want to tread neck deep in animal jizz?

Soo: Not really. Your right, they'll be saved. Either that or we become unemployed.

(They stare blankly at each other)

****

Nickger: Get a boat. Let's go.

(We see s "safe-house" high in a tree. Neyore, Janga and Cabbit are inside staring at the damage)

****

Neyore: Looks bad down there. Think they're goners?

****

Janga: It's they're fault for not being ready. Looks like someone else is out there.

****

Cabbit: Who?

****

Janga: Looks like they're trying a rescue attempt.

****

Cabbit: Should we do something?

Neyore: I'll call a jizzmopper in here.

Janga: (wide-eyed) whatever.

(We see the rescue boat nearing Drew. His honey pot is filled with rain water from earlier)

****

Nickger: We better get him out of there.

Soo: Ya, I don't think he'll want to die like that.

****

Drew: (from inside pot, gurgling voice) _"Floating down river, all covered in jizz.."_

(They pull him into the boat and remove the pot)

****

Drew: Air!! Sweet Sweet Air!! (Looks at the river then the others.) You did this, didn't you?

Soo: Maybe

(They continue, and pass Ropher, who is stuck head first in a hole of a tree)

****

Ropher: Hm! Hmm! Mmm mmm!!

Nickger: What he say?

Drew: Something about his head being stuck up his ass. 

(They pull him out)

****

Drew: Get your head out of your ass!! (Sees Chapters flyer) Shit, you helped with this??

****

Ropher: A little.

Drew: AHH!! Look, let's get the pig and the you can explain yourselves. What am I saying, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!

(Stiglet's chair is slowly sinking. We see Stiglet with a Captain's hat and pipe standing on the chair)

****

Stiglet: Well, I'm going down with my ship.

(The boat pass by and grabs Stiglet as the chair sinks below the surface)

****

Stiglet: If I'm dead, I must be in hell.

Nickger: Your not dead, just….

Soo: a little sticky. It's not so bad. It was worse when you ate me out.

Stiglet: True.

Nickger: Ya…When he WHAT!!! You, him, what?

Soo: Uhh..

Stiglet: Uhh…

Drew: (Inflating life raft) We'll leave you to your fight. Come patsy! (He an Ropher jump in)

***10 Minutes Later***

(The group are in the safe house)

****

Ropher: So what's the outcome?

Nickger: It seems the pig and her we're screwing each other while I was with her.

Soo: So we're over.

Stiglet: The thrill of behind-the-back is gone. It's also over.

Drew: Can you feel the love being sucked out of this room?

Neyore: (Walking in) The jizzmoppers arrived. They say it'll take a week to clean everything.

Janga: Shit. So what do we do now?

Neyore: The author is paying for hotels. They're cheap but they'll do.

Drew: Ok. So see ya'll in a week,.

Group: Later

(Everyone leaves)

****

Fowul: (Still stuck to tree) Hello? Hello? It's cold and sticky out here. Hello? Bastards!!

****

The End (of Story 8)


	10. I'm gone for one day and

****

Note: Just a note: I'm before the chapter. I'm not Anti-Gay. Neither are any of the people the characters are based on. This was just an idea I couldn't pass up…That and I was really tired when I wrote most of this.

Pt. 9: "I'm gone for a day an…"

Narrator: It was a quiet day in the 40 ½ acre wood…which is never good. The leaves rustled and a lone figure is walking the path that leads beyond the woods.

(We see Drew heading to the path)

****

Drew: Yup, off I go, a bear on a mission.

Narrator: What would that mission be?

Drew: It's been getting really boring round here. I'm off to find a new cast member. I'll be back in a day.

Narrator: Aren't you worried something could happen while your gone?

Drew: Nah. How much trouble can the others get into in a day? (leaves the woods)

Narrator: Well, our central character gone, we leave the-

Author: Where do you think your going? There's a plot to this story somewhere.

(Author and Narrator disappear)(Nickger and Stiglet are seen walking down to the path)

****

Nickger: What exactly did this note say?

Stiglet: It said bring a friend and be here at 11:30

****

Nickger: I have a bad feeling about this.

Janga: (from nearby) Your not the only one

Stiglet: What are you doing here?

Janga: Soo got a note and I came with her.

Soo: Ya. I would have brought one of you, but I guess you came together.

Nickger: Yup. Wonder who sent the notes.

Voice: (from behind them) I did.

Soo: Who said that? Where are you?

(We see a young human walk out of the bushes)

Nickger: Who the hell are you?

Robin Christopher: My name is Robin Christopher 

Janga:….Ok.. What do you want?

Robin Christopher: Well, I noted your little cast is all uptight, and I'm here to help. You see, your all of the majority lifestyle.

Stiglet: The what?

Robin Christopher: Well, you have fucked the opposite sex correct?

Stiglet: Ya, duh.

Robin Christopher: And I bet it's difficult to get one of the opposite sex around here.

Nickger: Kinda. Small cast

Robin Christopher: Well, why not become part of the minority lifestyle?

Soo: You mean homosexuals? 

Robin Christopher: Yes. It's a simple life.

****

Janga: (sarcastic) Sure it is.

****

Robin Christopher: Allright. Hold on (Pulls out a bunch of charts and stats and babbles explanations as they all nod)

***10 minutes Laters***

****

Nickger: Wow, it's so clear now.

****

Soo: Ya, why didn't we try this before?

****

Robin Christopher: You didn't know. Now go my friends and enjoy life. (the four walk away) Well, my work here is done.

(We cut to the auditions for new cast members. Drew, the Author and the Narrator sit behind a desk)

****

Drew: Next! (a skunk creature walks in) Name?

Skunk: Putrid.

Author: Putrid? Where'd you get a name like that?

Skunk: Well, that's what people call me whenever I have beans.

****

Narrator: NEXT!! (A small pig walks in) We already have a pig, but shoot. Name?

****

Pig: Hamhead BigShlong 

****

Drew:. Hamhead BigShlong? Whatever. Credentials to work on a sick story?

(Pig pulls down pants. Author\Narrator\Drew's eyes widen)

****

All: HOLY SHIT!!!

Pig: Not just a name.

Author: We can see that…Sorry, We can't have anyone with a shlong bigger then the cast.

Pig: Screw off! Hmm, that's not a bad idea.

Drew: NEXT!!!!

Narrator: Shit, 300 people and still no new cast member.

Drew: Maybe the next one will do.

(A tall long haired\long legged cat=creature walks in. The 3 stand up)

****

All: She's a babe! Scwiinng!! (Note-Another Wayne's World reference, Freaky eh?)

****

Cat: Ok…

Drew: (sitting down calmly) Sorry bout that. Name?

Cat: Cat. Jali Cat.

Author: Qualifications?

Narrator: She's a babe.

Author: Besides that.

Jalicat: (attempts to speak but is interrupted)

Drew: Ya. Great. Whatever, your in.

Jalicat: Cool.

Narrator: Well, you stay here and fill out these forms with us while Drew goes back to the woods and tells the cast. 

Drew: But-

Author: Do it or I'll turn you into a pink care bear for the rest of the story!

Drew: (Shudders) Allright, I'll be back. (exits)

(Well Drew is on his way back to the woods, we see what is happening now that Janga, Nickger, Stiglet and Soo have turned homosexual)

(We see Nickger behind Stiglet, screwing the pig up the ass. We then see Janga and Soo fondling and frenching each other. Then Stiglet climbs onto Nickger and they begin to 69. Meanwhile, the kangaroos have begun to use a double ended dildo given to them by Robin Christopher. Finally, Stiglet begins to hop on Nickger's dick like a happy child on Christmas.)

(As this is happening, we see Cabbit, Ropher and Neyore watching. Cabbit and Ropher sit wide-eyed at the site before them.)

****

Neyore: (puffing on a joint and looking) Woh, I think this shit just kicked in!

(1 hour later)

(We see Drew coming down the path back to the woods. As he enters the woods, he stops)

Drew: Ah home….I sense a disturbance in the force (farts) that's better. Hmm…where is everyone? (Keeps walking) And what's with all the white… Wait a minute..

Neyore: Hey Drew!

Drew: (turning to them) Allright, someone care to explain the large amount of cum drenching the grass?

Ropher: Well…uhh…ya see..

Drew: Just say it. (Cabbit walks up to him and whispers)…They, and the huh.. and the…what…(faints)

Cabbit: We better wake him up.

Neyore: This outta do it. (moves joint near Drew's nose)

Drew: (Jumping up) I just had the weirdest dream (looks around) Ah shit it's real.

****

Ropher: So what do we do?

Drew: Well, let us asses the situation. We have to homosexual couples in the cast. Last I check, the author made no mention of an idea like this.

****

Cabbit: So what are you gonna do?

****

Drew: I can't do this alone (looks at the three) and no help here. Time to call in the heavy-artillery. By this time tomorrow, this story will be as straight as that pig's shlong.

****

Ropher\Neyore\Cabbit: Pig's shlong?

(We see outside Drew's house. We can hear Drew talking on the phone)

****

Drew: (talking) Yup, gotta be that "Robin Christopher" fuck. So here's the plan. We hunt him down, then "deprogram" the others…yes there's beer in it for you,

(Next morning. Neyore, Cabbit and Ropher are waiting for Drew and his "heavy artillery")

****

Ropher: Wonder what fat boy's plan is.

Drew: (from behind them) You'll know soon enough.

(The three turn around wide-eyed. Behind Drew is a 6'5, 280lbs bear)

****

Drew: Meet my brother.

Group:…..ah. Nice touch. What's your plan

Brother: To "deprogram them"

****

Cabbit: Ah. Well, we'll leave you to that.

(The three exit. The brothers head to Nickgers)

****

Drew: This won't take long. (The two walk in. They exit 1 second later wide-eyed) Ahhh!!

Brother: (punches Drew) Snap out of it. Let's try the chicks.

(The two head to Janga's/ Before they reach the door, they stop at the window. Inside, Janga and Soo are using the dildo again.)

****

Brother: Come on.

Drew: Hold. When else are we gonna see a show like this for free again?

Brother: This is getting us nowhere. There's only one thing left to do.

Drew: Kick the shit out off Robin Christopher??

Brother: Yup. Let's go.

(We see Robin Christopher reading under a tree. The brothers appear behind up)

****

Brothers: (Irish accents) Top of the Mornin to ya fairy fuck!

****Note**: The following is a scene of unimaginable violence. Due to rating laws, this scene cannot be seen***

(5 minutes later)

(We see the cast minus Robin Christopher and Drew's brother in the field)

****

Drew: Anyone care to explain what happened while I was gone?

Nickger: It was like "Woh" and they were like "Woh" and I was like "Woh"

Drew: Right…Whatever. Well, as you know, I was out looking for a new character, and I found one. Bring her in.

(Author and Narrator enter with Jali Cat)

****

Author: Meet Jalicat.

Group: Hey.

Jalicat: Great crowd.

Drew: You get used to it. Welcome to the woods kid.

Author: You'll get more lines next chapter.

Drew: Yup. Later Days!

****

The End (of Story 9)


	11. The Nickger Short Film

****

Pt. 10 "The Nickger Short Film"

Narrator: It was late evening in the 40½ acre wood, and all was quiet. The cast lay asleep, Drew lay drunk off his stuffed with fluff ass, and Nickger sat skimming through the TV networks. 

(We see Nickger going through the channels in his home)

****

Nickger: You'd think there'd be something on this late. I mean, 700 channels and nothing. Maybe something happened in the world that applies to me (laughs) ya right…so news it is.

Guy on News: Also, there has been a report of a strange creature south of the 40½ acre wood area.

Nickger: This looks interesting.

Guy on News: (To Nickger) don't interrupt me.

Nickger : sorry.

Guy on News: The creature was short, with orange fur, stripes, a spring-like tail, and was described as very bouncy. It was seen briefly and (to Nickger) kinda looked like you.

****

Nickger: (confused) that's impossible. I'm the only one like me…I think. 

(Runs to his closet and pulls out a box)

****

Nickger: Where is it? (rummages through the box) Aha! (Runs back to TV) See, this note eve says I'm the only one!

Guy on News: Hmmm (reading fine print) Uh…you may want to check that fine print.

Nickger: (Checking fine print) …. "Note: may not be only one in the world." So.. There may be another?

Guy on News: Dunno, I don't write this stuff, I just report it. (TV goes off)

****

Nickger: Hmm… another of my species. I gotta talk to Drew.

(Nickger heads towards Drew's house. The lights are off and rock music is playing)

****

Nickger: Must be a good night (walks in) Drew?

Drew: (from dark music-filled room) Yo! Wassup?

Nickger: (walking into the room) You're plastered aren't you?

****

Drew: Does it show (3 empty cases of 12 can be seen) What you want bro?

Nickger: I've learned that they're may be another of my species. What should I do?

Drew: Well, you could look for it. But the, you'd need to know what it looks like, and you never know with those goats (passes out)

Nickger: …Right. I'm gone (leaves) Hmm…go look for it. Should I?

(Nickger is seen sitting on his bed having a drink)

****

Nickger: Well, tomorrow's another day. Maybe I'll figure out what to do then. (Falls asleep)

(Dream Sequence)

(We see a small garden surrounded by a fence. Two Lawn Gnomes are in it, as is Nickger)

****

Nickger: (looking around) Shit, this is new.

Lawn Gnome #1: New it is.

Lawn Gnome #2: As is your chance.

Nickger: My what?

****

Lawn Gnome #1: Your chances of survival.

Lawn Gnome #2: There is another. Find it you must.

Nickger: Why?

Lawn Gnome #2: Because from 2, flow many.

Lawn Gnome #1: The last you are. More, there must be.

Nickger: I see. I need to find the other one.

Lawn Gnomes: And breed like rabbits. Now wake up!

(Nickger wakes up, sitting up fast)

****

Nickger: Wow…What was I smoking? (Remembers dream) Allright, I must go South and find the other me.

(Packs a bag)

****

Nickger: Off I go, on a quest to repopulate…whatever it is I am (leaves).

(We see Nickger head down the Southern path as the sun rises)

( 5 Hours Later)

(We see Stiglet sitting on a log with something in his hands. Ropher appears from a hole in front of him)

****

Ropher: What'ya got there pig?

Stiglet: Not sure, that Jalicat from the last chapter left it here.

Ropher: Looks like one of those finger trap things. Lemme see.

Stiglet: No, I found it (the two fight, and a clicking sound is heard) Oh shit!

Ropher: What? (sees that they're stuck together by the trap) Oh shit. What do we do?

Stiglet: We get out of it. Pull! (Begins to pull, as does Ropher) PULL!! (Finger trap snaps back, Ropher and Stiglet smash into each other)

Ropher: Any other bright ideas?

Stiglet: Hold on. (looks around, sees a tree) Run toward that tree.!

(They run at the tree, the trap wrapping around the tree and making Stiglet and Ropher smash into each other)

****

Ropher: Allright, I got a better idea.

(We see them attempt to cut the trap, scissors break. They put it in the mouth of a vicious dog, teeth shatter)

(2 Hours Later)

(Stiglet and Ropher, still trapped, look really tired)

****

Stiglet: We've tried cutting, ripping, shattering and detonating.

Ropher: And all we have to show for it is a lot of bruises. Face it, we're stuck.

(Fowul flies near them)

****

Fowul: Hey…what happened to you guys?

Stiglet: We've been trying to get free of this damn finger trap.

Ropher: We've tried everything

Fowul: (examining trap) Hmm.. Did you try this? (presses middle with wing tip. Trap opens)

Stiglet: Free!!

Ropher: I take back all the shit I said about you bird-boy! 

Fowul: what shit?

Stiglet: Forget it, we're free! We can do whatever we want (stands till for a minute) Let's go see Nickger.

Fowul: That might be a little difficult.

Ropher: Why?

Fowul: I saw Nickger leave his house around dawn with a backpack heading down the south path.

****

Stiglet: What!! The bastard left without saying anything?

****

Fowul: Well, I did see him leaving Drew's last night.

Stiglet: Ah…You mean he told fat ass and not us?

Ropher: Dude, relax. Let's go ask Drew where Nickger was heading, then we can hunt him down.

(The three head towards Drew's house. He's in his bathroom hurling his guts out)

****

Drew: (hung over) Oh… I should've known I would pay for those 36 fucking beers (hurls)(doorbell rings) It's open! (hurls)

(The 3 walk in and see Drew on the floor hurling)

****

Fowul: Bad Night?

Drew: Does it show? (hurls) Uhh…(gets up) What can I do for you gentlemen?

Stiglet: Bird boy says he saw Nickger leave your house last night and then heading down the south path at dawn.

****

Drew: Hmm… I vaguely remember him saying something about finding something. Then I blacked out.

Ropher: Good enough. Hey Bird boy, think you can fly around the south path and track him?

Fowul: Sure. He's only been gone 7 hours, how far could he go? (Stiglet, Ropher and Drew stare blankly) Oh…

(Ropher, Stiglet and Drew got outside as Fowul flies up)

****

Drew: Go find our moronic friend!

Ropher: You're not coming with us?

Drew: Nope, I gotta work off this hangover.

Fowul: I'll fly up, you two follow me.

Stiglet: Allright, let's go. Laters ya drunk.

Drew: Good luck (watches them leave) Now that their gone (hurls) Back to the porcelain jukebox (Goes inside)

(We see Nickger as he heads down the South path into the lower regions. He stops by a pond)

****

Nickger: I've been on the path 7 hours, still no sign of this "other", all alone, and….I'm talking to myself. Where's that Narrator when I need him?

****

Narrator: You rang?

Nickger: Yes. What happens next?

Narrator: Lemme check (checks script) Hmm…something about you finding something in a while.

Nickger: When?

Narrator: Sorry, break time!

Nickger: You little son of a- (footsteps can be heard) Oh shit…there's something out there. I'm gone! (runs off, smacks into a tree) On second thought, maybe I'll take a nap (passes out)

(We see Stiglet and Ropher walking through the woods, following Fowul)

****

Stiglet: Hey Bird boy, any sign of him?

Fowul: (from air) Nope. Couple of crushed branches, footprints, dung.

Ropher: dung?

Fowul: Oh wait, that's mine! (lands near them)

Stiglet: This is getting as nowhere! We might as well turn right around! (Turns, slips on the turd and slides through some bushes and down a hill) SHIT!!!

****

Ropher: (looking through bushes) Pig-brain? Buddy? You Allright?

Stiglet: (still sliding) SHIT!!!

Fowul: I'll take that as a no. Come on! (pushes Ropher down hill, follows) SHIT!!!

(20 mins later)

(We see all 3 of them, still falling)

****

Group: SHIT!!

****

Ropher: How far down does this hill go? (hits the ground) Son of a-(looks around) Nickger!

Fowul: (reaching ground) Son of a Nickger? What the fuck?

Ropher: No, I meant Nickger. He's here. He passed out, but he's here!

Stiglet: (falling) out of the way! (bowls down the others, lands ass first on Nickger's lower torso)

Nickger: (waking up, seeing Stiglet) What the? Didn't we go through this last chapter?

Stiglet: (getting up) Dude! We found you! (punches him) That's for leaving without telling us.

Nickger: Sorry. Look, long story (hears footsteps again) Oh shit, it's out there again!

****

Ropher: What's out there again?

****

Nickger: Not sure, last time it was out there, I ran into a tree.

****

Stiglet: Great

****

Ropher: it's closing in. (footsteps stop) Wait, I don't here it anymore.

Nickger: Neither do I. (another sound is heard) Wait, that sounds familiar.

Stiglet: (listening) Ya it does.

Fowul: Wait a minute. Nickger, bounce on your tail.

Nickger: Ok (bounces) but why? (listens) Wait, that's why it's familiar.

Fowul: But that means…

(Bushes rustle)

****

Nickger: That means whatever it is is here!

(Group cowers. A shape walks from the bushes. Fowul looks, wide-eyed)

****

Fowul: What they (pokes the others) Guys, check this!

Group: What? (wide-eyed) What the?!

(The shape looks like Nickger, except shorter and female looking)

****

Nickger: You're the-

Stigger: -Last one!

(The two hug as Stiglet, Ropher and Fowul look)

Fowul: So that's why he left. He misses casual sex.

Ropher: (looking from Fowul to the others and back) Someone care to explain what's going on?

Drew: (appearing from the bushes, dressed like Morpheus) I will.

Group: Drew!

Stigger: Who's the fat guy?

Drew: I am Drew, and I know much about you Stigger. But first (to Ropher/Stiglet/Fowul) Nickger here learned that there was another like him/ I told him to go find it, and then sent you three after him.

Stiglet: But why?

Drew: Why not? Now let's go home. I believe you two have work to do. Follow me

Nickger: Snooch. Let's go.

(5 mins later)

(We see Drew, Nickger, Fowul, Ropher, Stiglet and Stigger back in the 40½ acre wood)

****

Ropher: You mean you knew a way to the south and didn't tell us?

****

Nickger: I was out there for 7 hours when it was only 5 minutes away? Why?

****

Drew: Needed to fill up chapter time (watches Nickger and Stigger leave)

****

Fowul: Makes sense. Where'd the lovebirds go?

****

Drew: To repopulate their species, in a sense. We'll see them again in a day or two.

(7 hours later)

(We see outside Nickger's house. Nickger and Stigger are inside "catching up")

****

Nickger: Oh shit! Oh ya, oh yaa!!

Stigger: Fuck it's been so long!!!

(We see inside. The two are under the sheets, obviously spent)

****

Stigger: This is the best I've ever had. 7 hours of continuous sex.

****

Nickger: Shit.. The lawn gnomes didn't tell me it'd be this good.

Stigger: Lawn gnomes?

Nickger: Forget it. Ready for hour 8?

(Stigger and Nickger disappear beneath the sheets. We cut to Drew's house. He is sitting down with a beer)

****

Drew: Well, it seems all is well in the world. I'm sober, Nickger's sex drive in back up, Stiglet, Ropher and Fowul have newfound respect for each other, and we got a guest cast member without doing anything… wait. Something's not right.

(Drew takes a swig when there's a knock at the door)

****

Drew: Hold on (opens the door. Janga and Soo are there) What's up?

Janga: We got a message from the author.

****

Drew: When?

Soo: While you were passed out. He gave us this note.

****

Janga: Sound important… and meaningless.

Drew: That sounds like the author. Lemme see. ( Reads note) Uh-huh, uh-huh.. Oh no, Oh God no!

****

Soo: What? What is it?

Janga: (waving hand in front of Drew) Hello? Drew? You in there?

Drew: (snapping out of shock) Oh shit… We gotta get to Nickgers, pronto!

Both: Why?

Drew: No time to explain, just call the others and meet me there (runs out door, note in hand)

Janga: Wonder what this is about.

****

Soo: I guess we'll find out. Let's go.

(We see Drew arrive at Nickgers. He bust in the door)

****

Drew: Hold everything! (eyes go wide, goes back outside, door closed) Put that thing away!

Nickger: (from inside) It's just some health food I found, calm down.

Stigger: What do you want anyways, we're a little busy.

Drew: (stepping back in, other cast behind him.) Shit, that means I'm too late. Well, since your all here, I got some news from the author.

****

Cast: What is it?

****

Drew: There's…there's a slight chance Nickger and his little fuck-friend are..are..

Cast: Are what??

Drew: Related. As in brother or sister.

****

Cast: Holy Shit!!! (Nickger and Stigger faint)

****

Narrator: Oh my, what a way to end this book. What surprises await us in Book 2? Will we find out if the fuck friends are related? Do we even care?

****

Neyore: Not really.

Narrator: As I thought. But answers to these questions and more, in Winnie the Drew, Book 2!

Drew: We hope. And if not, Laters Days!

****

The End (of Story 10 and Book 1)


End file.
